Monday, January 27, 2014

Two Days in a Row

Wow! I am writing for the second time in two days. Just a quick post to document what you started doing last night and today. You say Ew when you see/feel something you do not like. Tonight in the bathtub some of the caulk was coming off the wall and you said EW. At dinner last night there was a hole in the table and you said EW.

Today felt incredibly long. After your nap I took you to the dollar store and as soon as we got in there you said "I'm done. Ride in car car." (Your way of telling me you are not into it at all!) I was going nuts  so I took you over to Nana and Papa's house and we played then had dinner. You are all about them and as soon as we got in the car to go home, you called their names over and over. I love that you say Nana Papa? Papa Nana? Nana Papa? After I repeatedly told you that they were at their house you started asking for the moon. In the short 3 mile drive I think you asked for the moon over 75 times-easily.

Daddy is still in California and you keep looking for him. I am hoping you sleep all night. Last night you were up three times. :(

Sunday, January 26, 2014

18 Months

Sweet boy, I love you. I really love you but you exhaust me. I did not know I could go through so many emotions in a single day. I love going to get you in the morning. You are ridiculously excited to be awake. I wish I could channel some of that excitement when I wake up in the morning. I love watching you discover new things. You have a sense of wonder about everything. The littlest things make you so happy!

You are officially 18 months now and you are full of energy and temper tantrums. You love yelling NO and MINE. This is a new thing for you. You even hit me the other day and screamed NO at the top of your lungs because I took away the remote from you. I am not enjoying this temperamental side of you. When you don't get your way you throw yourself on the floor, kick and scream. This is oh so fun when we are out in public. I know I need to tell you no more often but I honestly don't have the energy to deal with it. When I do tell you no, you hide your face with your hands or you do the saddest boo lip that I have ever seen. It breaks my heart but you need to know I will not put up with you throwing food and getting so man when you don't get your way. Other times you are not affected by the word no. You look at me, saying No No and keep doing what you should not be doing. It is infuriating.

You are not a fan of naps and this is trying. You are exhausted. I have been trying to hold you off until 11:30 or 12 but you often ask to go night night around 9 a.m. Sometimes I have to put you in your crib because you are so emotional and wiped out. You sleep but this makes for a VERY long afternoon after you wake up. You keep me guessing everyday. At your 18 month check up your doctor said you are so smart! She also said you are very stubborn and strong willed.

As much as I love you, I need to get things done and sometimes be away from the house. I feel incredibly guilty about this. Your doctor, my doctor and other people have told me I need to put you in child care for at least one day a week. You have major separation anxiety when it comes to me. It is awful. You are not around other kids all that often and you need to be. Yes, you are around your brothers but you need to be around other children so you can learn to interact and play with others. I can't be your entire world and this is a hard realization. It makes me feel like a failure. I am a stay at home mom. This is my job. I should be able to handle it. My therapist (yes Mommy still goes to see a therapist when Nana is kind enough to watch you!) tells me to let go of the Mommy guilt-or at least try to. It will always be there. She told me if I take care of myself and let you interact with other kids, it will be better for everyone. It is not that I don't love you or that I don't love being home with you. I do. I adore you and I love our time together, but I am feeling a little lost. I get nothing done and the house is a constant mess. I have no time to do anything I would like to do. Granted, I should have known this before I became a mother. I did have some idea that it would take over my life, but maybe if you slept a little more Mommy could get a little bit of herself back :)  Or maybe just a shower. A shower where you are not climbing on to my counter finding every possible sharp object that I thought I had hidden.

You are the true definition of a boy. You are obsessed with tractors and "cop-tees" (helicopters) these past two weeks. I love that you are putting words together. These past few days you started answering "yeah" to questions. It makes us laugh! You also say Oh Cool! You are learning more and more every day!

You just woke up screaming. You are gnawing on your fingers so I wonder if your teeth hurt. Daddy thinks you get night terrors because you often scream in your sleep. I rocked you until you were calm and for the first time ever (that I have heard) you started to snore. It was the cutest little thing I think I have ever heard! Of course as soon as I put you back in your crib you screamed. I hate that :( Please sleep all night!

Tuesday, January 7, 2014

Really, where does the time go?

Several people have asked me if I still have my blog. Uh, I still have two links to the two blogs but have I written on here in almost 8 months-uh no. I am ashamed to admit that but with three boys, a husband, a crazy dog and life in general, things are pretty busy. I had lofty dreams of spending days writing on here about your crazy antics, the cute things you do and say and how quickly you are changing before my very eyes. Obviously that has not happened. Fortunately, I have over a million (I have not counted but I am sure it is close to that) pictures of you. I write down all the words you say (not actually write, but type them into my phone). Daddy asked when I was going to stop doing that but I can't seem to stop. I thought for sure I was going to be one of those moms who kept your baby book/scrapbook up to date. The mom who was going to have your room be super cute with awesome decorations. The mom who was able to shower every morning and not be in sweat pants. Granted, I have not been in sweat pants all that much, but yoga pants and I are best friends. I refer to them as leggings because if I call them yoga pants, I should probably be doing yoga while wearing them. I do not need one more thing to feel guilty about. Today at my doctors appointment I mentioned how busy things have been, how we recently moved and how there is so much to get done around the house. The doctor asked, "Oh, so you just moved?" Well, no. Not exactly. We moved in July. The basement is in shambles, I have piles of junk everywhere and it certainly does not feel like a home. I watch home improvement shows and drool over Pottery Barn catalogs wishing and hoping that some day our house will look like that. I am snapped out of that dream by you riding on your "Car car", banging into the kitchen table while saying BOOM and laughing. Another day, another dent in our table.

You are a few days away from being 18 months old. I was always annoyed with people who would say how old their child was in months after they had turned a year. I would think WHY don't they just say he/she is one? Now that I have a biological child of my own, I am starting to believe it is because as a parent, you realize just how fast time goes (although some days it seems painfully slow.) As a parent, you want your baby to be a baby as long as possible and perhaps saying how old you are in months makes me hold on to the idea that you are still a baby although you are referred to as a "toddler." Although I adore the person you are becoming, I do miss how little you were a year ago. Several people have told me that at every stage of your child's life you will think that is the BEST stage of their life….until you get to the next stage and you will think THAT is the best stage. Perhaps that is true. You make us laugh every day and for a little guy, you have a BIG personality. You have the funniest expressions and your pure excitement over the littlest things make us smile. For example, when we ask you if you want to take a bath. We do this EVERY. SINGLE. NIGHT. Every time it is like we just said you won 10 million dollars (not that that would mean anything to you). You get SO excited. You kick your feet, wave your arms, get a huge smile on your face and say Bath Time! Bath Time! You react this way to many things and I am so grateful for this. As you will soon learn, your mommy does not get excited about too many things (if anything at all). While I am thankful and feel incredibly blessed with everything in my life, excitement is not one of my personality traits. It drives Daddy crazy. I have been telling him that your excitement should cover both of us. I hope you never lose that trait.

So much has happened in the almost 8 months since I last wrote on this blog. We moved, you turned one and we had a big birthday party in our backyard for you. You were not too interested in having so many people look at you. As I said before, you say a lot of words. I think you are pretty smart and when I took you to the doctor two weeks ago, she mentioned how smart she thought you are. You do not walk yet and you love to sit with your legs in a W. This is not good for you so we have to see a specialist this month. I can't imagine you walking but I am sure it will happen soon enough. You are putting words together. On New Years Day I came into your room and you said Hi Mommy! You also say Up Please, No deer (when there are no deer outside), Ride in car car, get down, etc. You LOVE your brothers. When we took them to school yesterday and they got out of the car, you yelled Brothers?! Brothers?! When they are downstairs you stand at the gate and yell "Guys?!" Guuuuyyyyyssssss?"  You make everything you can hold into a phone and you always say "Hi Papa!" Every time the door bell rings or Mickey barks, you get so excited and yell NANA! I have to tell you it is not Nana and you look at me and ask "No Nana?!" I am glad you love them all so much. You have started whispering which we find funny. Normally whispering drives me crazy but you are so funny when you talk that way. You are obsessed with the moon. You think the reflection of the lights on the window is the moon and in the car you bang on the window and say moon, moon moon over and over. The one thing that we find hilarious (not the only thing) is you LOVE french fries. You call them bye byes. I should correct you but it is just too darn adorable. It has become a problem though because as soon as we get in the car you ask for "bye byes." When we get Daddy's dry cleaning, we go through the drive thru. You yell bye byes because you think we are at a fast food drive through. You get very mad when french fries are not given to you. You are stubborn like your parents. You are crazy like your brothers. You are so funny and simply adorable.

I hope this new year brings us lots of happy memories and good times with each other and our family. We all love you so much and since I can't stop time, I will try and enjoy every second with you-exhausting as it may be. I love you little man.