Almost 5 months!

I can't believe you will be 5 months old on Monday. Where is the time going? You are so much fun and you bring so much happiness into my life. You smile all the time, you get so excited to see me when I get you up from sleeping or change your diaper. I love you so much!

You are learning new things. You hold your head up like a pro, you started rolling from your back to your tummy. You take naps in your crib but have decided you are a side sleeper, and lately-a tummy sleeper like your mommy!  You had only been taking 30 minute naps but some people said that is the sleep cycle for your age and if I let you cry when you wake up, you would go back to sleep. You know what? You have been!  This morning you have taken great naps! You have woken up after 30-45 minutes, but I let you scream (Im sorry) and you pass back out. It has allowed me to get things done and I really appreciate it!

You are obsessed with your first two fingers on your left hand. You suck on them before you go to sleep. You also found your thumb and I think you are pretty impressed with yourself. You also try and suck your thumb when you are eating your bottle. Silly boy!

You are growing more and more every day and it makes me sad every time I have to pack away your clothes that no longer fit. Stop growing up so fast sweet boy! You are my first and last baby and I want you to stay small forever. Thinking about you not wanting to snuggle and hold my finger as you eat anymore makes your Momma very sad.

I have only put you in your crib at night one time on Daddy's birthday. You lasted 4.5 hours which is good. I put you back down after you woke up to eat, but you were not having it. If you were on the same floor, I might be ok with it, but you aren't and I feel so far away from you. You are sick again and stuffy, so I have left you in the sleeper these past few nights.

This week was also the first time I was away from you at night. Daddy has been on trips before but this was my first time without you. You stayed overnight at Aunt Noelle's house and her and Nana took very good care of you. So good that you were not excited to see me at all. I think you knew we went to Disneyland without you. I am sorry we did that, but you are too little to remember it :) When you get older we will make sure to take you. We should get Nana and Papa to come too so they can be there for your first Disney experience!

You love laying under the tree and looking at the lights and ornaments. Last night you decided you wanted to eat the presents and continuously put the ribbons in your mouth. You had a lot of fun!  I have so many Christmas outfits for you, and since this is the only time you can wear them, I am putting you in one as much as possible. You have a Santa's Little Helper outfit but my favorite is this one:

Im trying to upload more pictures of you but this website is telling me I am out of photo storage. Guess I should go look into this.

Please continue to sleep as good as you have today. Mommy will then be able to update this without a month going by!

I'm Sorry

Oh Baby Boy, I love you so much but this transition to the crib is SO hard. Crazy hard. I have been rocking you to sleep but all the books say not to do that. You need to learn to self soothe. After much debate (with myself) and endless tries of putting you in the crib only for you to wake up the second your head hits the mattress, I decided to let you cry. You have no idea how hard this is for me. You scream, you wail, you sound like someone is cutting off your leg. I gave myself a time limit. You could cry for 30 minutes. That is it. Well, after 28 minutes, you fell asleep for your exact 30 minute nap you tend to take. For your evening nap, I decided I was going to try it again. 22 minutes of crying and now you are asleep. I really hope this continues and that you don't grow to not trust me. I just want you to get some sleep. You sleep so little compared to other babies and I worry about you. One really funny thing is Mickey will not leave your side when you are crying. He goes into your room and lays next to the crib. When I try and get him out, he won't budge. Although he is insanely jealous of you, he loves you! I am sure you will be buddies when you are older.

On another note, yesterday was your first Halloween!  You had several outfits on during the day because of two reasons. 1) You had a lot of cute things and 2) You kept puking. Here is a round up of the outfits.

#1: It's the cutest Monster outfit. There is even a monster on the bottom :)

 #2: A Tigger onesie, complete with hat and Tigger slippers. It's not a Halloween costume, but I thought it would be a good choice. You eventually puked on this outfit as well.

#3: A Buzz Lightyear onesie. Grandpa and Grandma got this for you at Disneyland. We always say Daddy looks like Buzz Lightyear so this outfit is perfect! So cute!

#4:  Your REAL Halloween costume. A giraffe! Daddy bought this for you. I loved that it had a tail and that the hat fit your head! You were not too fond of it. I bet it was really hot!

We went to dinner with Nana and Papa and then they came over and hung out with you. Daddy and I only took you to 2 houses. After all, we do not need the candy! We look forward to next year when you will be walking and we can go to more houses! Papa fed you, which is so nice! He kisses you all the time. So does Nana! You are so loved sweet boy!

30 Minutes

We are on the third full day of trying to get you to nap in your crib. It is so hard! I cant bear to listen to you cry so I have rocked you to sleep every time. So far you have napped in your crib exactly 30 minutes each time. Like clockwork. 30 minutes exactly. Its like you know you should wake up. All the books I am reading say not to rock you. I am supposed to put you in the crib sleepy so you can learn to soothe yourself. This does not work well. You scream. You scream as if someone is hurting you.

You are currently asleep in your crib now. I am trying to follow the method that says you get picked up when you cry, when you are calm you go back down. This can happen up to over 100 times the book says. I dont talk to you, I say shhhh or sing to you. A few minutes ago I put you back in the crib wide awake and sang to you and rubbed your head. I also took the mobile out. In the day you love it and get this huge smile on your face. When it is dark in your room, I think it scares you. After all that,  you fell asleep. So far you have been asleep for 20 minutes. Let's see how long you go.

I feel like your sleeper you have been in is like a Sleep Number Bed and now going to the crib is like sleeping on a rock. You are not a fan of swaddling. You want your arms to be free.

I know you need to start sleeping in your crib at night but I am doing this one step at a time. You are already growing up way too fast.

My Heart is Breaking

Oh sweet little boy, you are breaking your mommy's heart. I am trying to get you into a routine and on a schedule which means you need to nap and go into your crib. You sleep great when we hold you, and boy do we love to hold you, but that can't last forever.  You have started sleeping well in your car seat but when we are home you need to go in your crib. Today I began the transition. I am reading books on the topic and they say to develop a routine. I've noticed that about an hour after eating you get sleepy. You yawn, then you do the stare. Pretty soon you nod off.  I have started going into your room, sitting in the rocking chair with you, giving you a binky and singing to you. Sure enough you doze off within a few minutes. Today I put you in the crib. Currently you have been screaming at the top of your lungs for 30 minutes. It is breaking my heart. I want to go in there and snuggle you. Calm your fears, kiss your chubby little cheeks. But I can't and I won't.  I hope it will be like bath time. You hate, hate, hated it the first few times but now you love it. Sweet boy, I am sorry I am doing this to you. Mama is so sad :(

Birthday

Just a quick post to tell you that Mommy had probably one of the worst birthdays ever. It started off great and went downhill.  That night as I sit on the couch with you, sad over the days events, you looked up at me and smiled several times. I did not have to touch your face or make a noise or anything. You just looked at me with those big blue eyes and smiled at your mama. Thank you sweet boy. You knew just what your mama needed.

You Worry Me Little Man!

People told me I won't know how it feels to be a true worrier until I have children. Boy, were they right! You have been very fussy lately and super unhappy. I am always concerned that you are in pain and miserable. You also don't enjoy sleeping during the day so it makes it very hard for Mommy to update this blog.

Yesterday I took you for your two month check up. I was dreading you getting your shots. You have this amazing ability to make the SADDEST looking faces-especially with a big boo lip. It breaks my heart!  As we were going through the checklist of milestones you should be showing at 2 months, the doctor asked me how you were doing with tummy time. Being a new mom, I had no idea you were supposed to be on your tummy already. Whoops! We started it today. You hated it but your doctor said if we did it in 5 minute increments, 3 times a day it is good. After feeling bad about that, she asked me if you followed objects. I never really put an object up to your face to follow so I was not sure. You stare at things, you love looking at the window and the tree sticker that is on your wall, but I did not know if you followed an item. She tried getting you to follow something but you would not do it. This concerned her so she said we needed to get in to a pediatric optometrist this week. Of course this scared me. I tend to think the worst and I was certain you were blind. I envisioned a life of seeing eye dogs, braille and canes. That's how your Mommy is-a pessimist. In thinking this way I think I am preparing myself for the worst, but I know that is not logical. Anyway, I cried about it to the doctor, then I cried to Daddy about it when he came home. Thankfully the appointment was this morning.

When we got there we were told your eyes were going to be dilated. We had to do drops every 10 minutes, 3 times and then wait 30 minutes.  You never sleep but yesterday and today before your appointments you passed out. You were not digging the eye drops. The time went by quickly and it was time for you to go in and see the doctor. Here you are with Daddy waiting to be seen:

The doctor was great! She said she was surprised she had you come in since you were 3 weeks early and technically you are only developmentally 6 weeks old. The fact that you are not tracking objects is normal for being born at 37 weeks. Regardless, she examined your eyes. You were not liking that because you were trying to sleep. You responded well when the lights went on and off and everything looked normal. Of course you are fine and not blind like your Mommy thought :) If you are still not tracking objects in 2 months we will go back, but so far you are perfect!

Yesterday when we were at the doctor I told them about how fussy you have been. They suggested we try the expensive formula. I don't want to jinx it but it has been night and day for you today. You have been sleeping a lot and you are pretty mellow. Maybe we found something that works for you. Fingers crossed! We are super lucky you have such a great Nana and Papa. They offer to buy formula for you (and diapers) which we really appreciate! I hope this is the beginning of a new stage for you-one that is far less fussy and more restful! You do ok at night, but man oh man, you do not like sleeping during the day. Today has been lovely. Although I would have loved to take a nap today while you slept but that did not happen! Hopefully tomorrow will be another great day for you!

You did ok with the shots yesterday. You screamed your head off after the shots and all afternoon unless someone was holding you. You had 3 in the leg and one liquid vaccine in the mouth. Thankfully at 9pm our neighbors had some infant Tylenol and we used it on you. Soon after you were calm and asleep by 10. You did much better than I thought last night given how uncomfortable you were!

I can hardly believe you are still sleeping. You have been asleep for 3 hours now. This is so unlike you!

A Little Behind...

Well, you are here! You arrived 7 weeks ago today. I can hardly believe it! You are growing up far too fast for mommy already. Please stop. Here is a picture from today. Aunt Denise gave you this outfit. This picture makes me laugh. You look like a little man who is posing for his work badge.

People told me newborns sleep ALL the time. I think you must be the exception. You are the most alert baby I have ever seen. You like to be awake during the day and you make it really hard for mommy to get things done! But you are ridiculously cute, so I will forgive you!  I need a block of time to write down everything that happened with your birth. I'm hoping that day is soon!  

At 7 weeks you are getting bigger!  You were 6lbs 4 ounces at birth and last week you were 9lbs 6 ounces. I love your chubby cheeks! You have a very strong head, you like to look at everything, and you enjoy being on Mommy and Daddy's chest. Unfortunately you have a ton of gas, and you have been very fussy lately. This is so unlike you! You usually only fuss when you are dirty, hungry, or right before you pass out. Thankfully you are not fussy at night. You sleep pretty well at night, so for that, I thank you. Mommy does not do well without sleep. The fact that you are sleeping 3 to 4 hours at a time (sometimes even 5!) is wonderful! You are in a sleeper in our room, and I can already tell it is going to be really hard having you downstairs in your crib. I know it needs to happen soon, but you look so little in that big crib. Hopefully I can get up the courage to put you in there soon. 

When you sleep for more than an hour, I will update the blog. Hopefully someday you will appreciate this.  Daddy got out his baby book the other day and read all the things his Mom wrote. It made him sad because she is no longer here, but it was wonderful to see her handwriting (sorry this is typed!) and read all about the things Daddy did each month!  More to come....hopefully soon!